Three years later…
I am still crying over you.
I am still mourning for a relationship that I never have.
I am still in pain from loving you.
I am still deeply in love with you.
I am sadly still pining over you.
I don’t understand why I can’t move on from you.
I don’t understand why I am still in love with you, knowing very well you don’t understand me.
My heart hurts.
My soul hurts.
My everything hurts.
Here I am still hurting over you. I am starting to think if I am addicted to this pain.
Still the same pain.
Still the same scenario.
Still the same me writing and writing and waiting, hoping you would finally understand me.
I remember the days I would wait by the phone just to see your last online.
I remember the days where I would stay up writing countless of words trying to heal my heart. Trying to heal my pain. Trying to heal the parts that you broke within me.
And here I am, still in the same place you have left me before.
I don’t know what’s worse. You still being here and refusing to block me and disappear from my life, torturing me.
Why do you hate me that much in life? Do you hate me that much that you never notice the pain you have inflicted on me?
I rather you blocked me and disappeared. I can move on instead of staring at your WhatsApp, hoping you would message me something.
You never make anything easy for me. You always love yourself more than me. You’ve always loved me with your words.
And for me, the saddest thing is that…
I love you more than I love myself, and I hate myself for that.